She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
