If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
