she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
