YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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