No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
