Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
pray to the hookup gods
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
