walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
