I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
