So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
as a side note pls kill me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
