Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize