I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
