you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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