also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize