fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
