if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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