just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
