morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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