You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize