Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
