just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
