Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
