Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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