They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am naked and annoyed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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