She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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