You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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