Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
