Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
