At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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