I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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