I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
