Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
