I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
