he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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