I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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