You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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