RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
