the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
