I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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