Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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