go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
