Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
