I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
