omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize