she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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