My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
