I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
