It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
