At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
