Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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