i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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