I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
