I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
