All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
