saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
