So drunk its hurt
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize