I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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