I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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