I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
