Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
