We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
