Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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