he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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