you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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