a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize