ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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