how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have post one night stand depression
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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