i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
